Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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