Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
