i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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