There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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