We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
