This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize