youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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