Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.

Fav 41 7994 2522
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(228): View more from Mississippi

Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.

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(616): View more from Michigan

If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?

Fav 5 758 997
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck

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(804): View more from Virginia

hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.

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