Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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