ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
