I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
