i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize