I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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