We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize