Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
