there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
