Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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