I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
