Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
