Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
