This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize