I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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