I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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