Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
