***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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