i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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