I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
