Apparently you make a good broom.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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