so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
