He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
