Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
