I'm eating all of the evidence.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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