You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
