I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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