Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This is not my ceiling
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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