The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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