You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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