So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
