We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
