ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
