i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
did i walk over a car last night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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