soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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