my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
