Define "chronic" masturbator.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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