it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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