We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
