sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
