That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
