is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
