stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
