i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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