i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
