paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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