omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
