Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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