so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
