Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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