this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
