She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize