the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
