I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
