I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
