she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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