Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
